Goose the Blog 2.0

Remember the Belief-O-Matic, and how everyone tested as more than 96% Unitarian Universalist? Well, this is pretty funny.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

...

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Billmon has an equally funny response to their terroristic threats.

I've been wondering how long it would be before some of the younger hotheads in the church started issuing non-threatening communiques. As I've said before, extremist movements tend to become progressively more radicalized over time. And the Unitarians obviously are no exception.

You should read the rest of both of them! (If you want, that wasn't an order...)

Update: It was only a matter of time. Get your Unitarian Jihad name here or here (for members of the First Reformed Unitarian Jihad). I am now Brother Atom Bomb of the Short Path. Post 'em if you got 'em!