I've seen Suri!
by John at 8/04/2006 03:17:00 PM
I've seen Suri*, and she's totally normal as far as I can tell. Just like a regular baby, except she exudes a strange sense of inner peace.
You see, Tom Cruise and I are old friends from way back (don't ask me about it - I'd be happy to tell you, but I don't want a bunch of Scientology lawyers coming down on me like a ton of bricks!). Last night he and Katie stopped by my house for a little chat, and because they wanted to catch Wednesday's episode of Project Runway on TiVo. I wasn't surprised when I saw them coming up the walkway, even though they hadn't dropped by since before Suri was born, but I thought it was odd that Katie was carrying a small black duffel bag. She used to always carry a small red duffel bag!
Anyway - what a surprise - Suri was in the bag! But I didn't know that at first. At first they just came in and after a few pleasantries and air kisses we all went into the TV room for some quality Tim Gunn time. I had put out a bowl of peanuts and Tom was totally stuffing himself. He loves peanuts.
So, Katie put the black duffel bag down on the floor next to the couch, and I kind of called Goose and Diva over to where I was sitting because I didn't want them to get their dog hair all over it. I wanted to ask them what was in the bag, but I had learned my lesson about stuff like that before (Those Scientology lawyers came down on me like a ton of bricks!) so I just kept my curiousity to myself and pretty soon forgot about it. Then, about halfway through the episode, the bag started making little noises. Katie said, "Ooh, Suri's awake," and opened up the bag. Sure enough, there was this pretty normal looking little baby face peeking out of the bag. Two eyes, a nose, mouth, no teeth - just like a normal baby. Katie cooed at her a bit, and then Tom said, "Yeah, so we better go..." and I was kind of confused but I said, "OK, man, we'll keep this episode on the TiVo in case you want to stop by some other time and finish watching it." (Scientology lawyers, bricks, etc.) Then they got up and left.
So, that's about it. I've seen Suri and she's seems like a normal baby, except that she lives in a black duffel bag and I'm sure there is a perfectly good reason for that.
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* Note to readers: this tale is a complete fabrication (Like bricks I tell you!).
You see, Tom Cruise and I are old friends from way back (don't ask me about it - I'd be happy to tell you, but I don't want a bunch of Scientology lawyers coming down on me like a ton of bricks!). Last night he and Katie stopped by my house for a little chat, and because they wanted to catch Wednesday's episode of Project Runway on TiVo. I wasn't surprised when I saw them coming up the walkway, even though they hadn't dropped by since before Suri was born, but I thought it was odd that Katie was carrying a small black duffel bag. She used to always carry a small red duffel bag!
Anyway - what a surprise - Suri was in the bag! But I didn't know that at first. At first they just came in and after a few pleasantries and air kisses we all went into the TV room for some quality Tim Gunn time. I had put out a bowl of peanuts and Tom was totally stuffing himself. He loves peanuts.
So, Katie put the black duffel bag down on the floor next to the couch, and I kind of called Goose and Diva over to where I was sitting because I didn't want them to get their dog hair all over it. I wanted to ask them what was in the bag, but I had learned my lesson about stuff like that before (Those Scientology lawyers came down on me like a ton of bricks!) so I just kept my curiousity to myself and pretty soon forgot about it. Then, about halfway through the episode, the bag started making little noises. Katie said, "Ooh, Suri's awake," and opened up the bag. Sure enough, there was this pretty normal looking little baby face peeking out of the bag. Two eyes, a nose, mouth, no teeth - just like a normal baby. Katie cooed at her a bit, and then Tom said, "Yeah, so we better go..." and I was kind of confused but I said, "OK, man, we'll keep this episode on the TiVo in case you want to stop by some other time and finish watching it." (Scientology lawyers, bricks, etc.) Then they got up and left.
So, that's about it. I've seen Suri and she's seems like a normal baby, except that she lives in a black duffel bag and I'm sure there is a perfectly good reason for that.
-----
* Note to readers: this tale is a complete fabrication (Like bricks I tell you!).
